Pages of Euphoria
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
  Life and Times
Due to the fact that I really don't have any saucy stories to tell that you guys haven't already read in the Pages of Euphoria, I will instead share some still life captures. I would love to ramble off a lengthy soliloquy/personal narrative of mi vida loca here in Korea; however a full day of teaching children of the corn has left me feeling a little lazy. I will however offer cute commentaries on each picture though (there is absolutely no order or theme to these pictures, they all simply just made the cut):

This was a fine fellow by the name of Big Ern. We were both reflecting upon the social advantages of owning a "grill," especially one created from the hands of the peoples champ himself, Paul Wall.

This was around 6am during half time of the Korea v. Switzerland world cup game. They should have been violated for this party infraction, but at the time I was so disoriented due to lack of sleep that I didn't know where I was or my own name for that matter...

This is the fearless leader of the learning institute where I teach. His Korean name is Moon Gwon Kwon, but simply goes by Mr. Moon to foreigners. His good looks and winning personality have carried him far in his life of luxury. He is a walking used car salesman metaphor, and even though he has been extremely nice to me, I cannot tell if his hospitality is genuine or if he just looks at me as a money sign. He is fairly perverted, (especially with foreign women), rules the Korean teachers with an iron fist, insists on the school mascot being a fighting cock (chicken), and I absolutely love every ounce of him. Additionally, he is a Korean embodiment of Bilbo Baggins, physically speaking at least.

I am not going to provide information on this picture, who the deranged woman was, or wtf was in her hand. Whoever supplies me with the funniest description of what they think is going on will receive a healthy supply of Soju from yours truly when I return state side. (Soju is alcohol that literally every Korean man above the age of 18 consumes like water, is fairly poisonous, and works double time as a nail polish remover)

This is my mer-man friend John aka the manchild. There is only a few inches of sand separating our ungulating bodies, but all I can say is that love conquers all boundaries.

Every time I look at this picture of Gaucari (below), I seriously loose control of my bladder. The look of absolute bliss and pleasure on his face says it all. The facts: He is wearing a silk shirt. The unknowns: is the red "double pronged" object in his hand an adult device, or an innocent noise maker for sporting events. I assure you all, this picture was not staged. My camera lense now follows this photogenic individual at all times. (sidenote: Gaucari and Tamara have a wealth of incriminating pictures of myself as well)

This picture (below) stands as a testament to one of more bizarre nights I have had in Korea. Mr. Moon took Alicia, Ashley (she is taking the pic) and myself out for dinner, ice cream and beer, and live entertainment in the form of a one man band belting out Korean love songs. At one point I found myself dancing with two other older Korean women in front of a sizeable crowd. It was a little embarrassing but I felt alive. Our last minutes of the evening with Mr. Moon were spent taking a scenic drive, listening to him rant like a madman not to flatulate in his pimp mobile, and watching him almost fail a breathalizer test. Truly, the kinda stuff dreams are made of.

This gem was taken in a club in a region of Seoul called Hongday. I was just dancing with these kids, tearin the club up as usual, and before I knew what was happening, they had wrapped my head in a towel and shoved a G-unit fitted on top. It was one of the more amazing nights that I have ever had. If I had a collar to pop in this pic, it would have been popped.

I hope these pictures and captions have been a sufficient update of the last two weeks of my Korean adventure. Honestly, I thoroughly enjoy writing the descriptions/commentaries for these cherished pictures of mine. I apologize if they come across annoying/offensive/or immature. I know from writing about them that I am having just a little bit of fun over here. If I could find a career writing captions for audacious pictures I think my future would be secured. I don't mean to toot my own horn......but beep beep.

Caption for that picture: Korea's version of the "Rocky Mountain Oyster"
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Read up on the portion of this life which I have chosen to make accessible to you. Or if it is simpler, just give me a jingle and we can shoot the breeze. Either way, forget about the time, what productivity means or anything that might be pressing and get lost in some thought and imagination.

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Location: Los Angeles, California, United States

I come from a small town north of Seattle, WA, where I learned that rain is a magical thing because it turns things green. I have had the chance to go a few places and see a few things of which all I have are pictures, memories and stories. I am currently living and learning about Los Angeles, California, and what it means to be an Angelino.

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