Dearest Parker,

I hope this letter finds you, and finds you well. Very soon you will find yourself shouldering a thoughtfully and carefully organized backpack, probably big enough for a small child to assume vacancy inside. Specifically a small child the same size of Tho Min Vo, please bring him. Bring a pair of shorts and pants, a jacket, I got the sunscreen, your most ballinous gear, your dope threads, and shit that you can throw away. All medications, i.e. malaria pills, vaccinations for yellow fever, and rabies, are much cheaper and less effective down here, so just hold your huskies on those. A flashlight, Swiss army knife, and good book will also come in handy, which reminds me to ask you to please bring me LOTR: The Return of the King. I need a LOTR fix very badly.

So you will be taking your first steps outside of Argentina's main international airport in about 48 hours. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back, shake your own hand, pull out your glock and spit some fire, you are officially hoodrich and are about to embark on an adventure. Upon exiting the airport, your gonna walk right outside, pass all those men and women trying to hustle you for a 40 dollar cab ride into the city, and say something like "tengo las drogas y soy el gringo de fuego!!" Walk past all those damn solicitors and follow the sidewalk bearing slightly to the left/strait, and walk about 100 feet to a bus stop. The only bus stop. Sit there and wait for a bus, and have small change on you, something like 3 pesos. Once your aboard your vessel of economical and public transportation, you can sit back and relax, you will have about an hour and half ride into the city center. Be ready to enjoy, because your ride will be a generous serving of entertainment and your eye balls will be served their first visual feasts of Porteños, or inhabitants of Buenos Aires, Argentina. They struck me as the most European looking South Americans, with beautiful eyes, unusual looking jaw structures, and enough facial piercings to go around.

Entonces, after 90 or so minutes, and you start seeing huge buildings (one called Congresso, white, tons of columns), you should say PARE POR FAVOR, or LA PUERTA, or AQUI, and exit the free show of entertainment on wheels. With your guide book or with a free map from the airport, hit the ground running and explore the city a little bit for a hostal of your choosing. I stayed at a place called HI: Tango City for just about a month, and it was an all around growing experience. As in it was pretty much an Argentinian Delta Chi, just way more women. Additionally there was free breakfast, dinner, internet, hot showers, decent dorm rooms. I also antiqued the hell of a poor Dutchman, met a Welsh pirate, and a Colombian named Carlos who pretty much behaved like Magic Johnson before he discovered he was HIV positive. Here is there website http://www.hostel-inn.com/. But feel free to shop around, that hostal was about 27 pesos, or 9 dollars a night; I would suggest sticking to that area, San Telmo, which has amazing architecture.

Things to do in BA:
-Eat your weight in empenadas, and helado, Buenos Aires has the worlds finest.
-Go to a supermarcado and purchase about a 2lb steak of the juiciest nature (Argentina has the best meat in the world, no pun of any kind is intended but would make sense) for about 3 dollars, and grill it up in the hostal kitchen.
-See Recoleta cemetery, a literal city of tombs, puerto madero that has a bridge designed to look like a tango dancer, ride the subte (subway) around all day, and for great people watching, hit up Calle Florida.
-Just walk around for at least 5 hours, you will see some amazing things.
-And get ready to feel like a schmuck, because English is not very common, and their Spanish sounds more like Italian. You will be using your hands alot to talk, its all good though, every traveler who doesnt speak Castallano goes through it. They pronounce Y´s and LL´s like a heavy SHHHH sound, so chicken is pronounced like Poysho instead of poyo.
-Just kick a little bit of ass for me.

I will be waiting for you in Salta, hopefully amongst a throng of reciprocal women and with cold beer of epidemic like proportion. I will most likely be the gringo trying to fight off someone trying to shine my sandal laiden feet for 1 peso. I cant wait to see ya man, travel safely, smartly, and with an appetite for destruction. Nos vemos y un gran abrazo, Jose´
ps. I am heavily bearded